Saturday, January 31, 2009

Am I open enough?

The more things change, the more they remain the same. No matter how well I open my heart to the world, that safety barrier shoots up at the smallest sign of insecurity. And I have the audacity to wonder why others don’t let me into their hearts.

I had two perfect days recently. Two separate days, separate places, separate companions. So perfect, I didn’t even have space in my heart to think thoughts such as I must be the luckiest person, etc, etc. So perfect, it just seemed like the most normal thing to happen. But even though time is infinite, like a cycle - kaal chakra - moments are linear. They have to end.

हर अघाज़ का अंजाम क्यों होता है?

Why can’t moments be infinite? Maybe they are. After all the day and night still come, the rain of that day still falls, the river still flows, people still laugh and snooze and kiss on that lawn, the big, gnarled tree still grows. Only one person is missing from each place.

It’s funny how the heart feels lighter the more people come into it, and feels heavier the more people leave.

Why is it so difficult for people to show their affection? What holds us back? And why is it even more difficult to tell people that we wish for their affection? Why does wanting love mean it is a sign of weakness? Why do we act like if we showed too much love, we might soon run out? Why does our love have to be strictly for one group of people only?

नहीं कोई इंसान मोहोब्बत से खाली।
हर इक रूह प्यासी, हर इक दिल सवाली।