A colleague is going to Australia for studies in Management. He wanted me to help him write a recommendation letter. I was more than happy to help him. I wrote:
To whomsoever it may concern,
Dheeraj Thakkar has had an excellent track record as a programmer. He has been under my employment for the past two years and in this period, company profits have doubled, solely due to his diligent and sincere work. His capability lies not only in writing programs for our clients, but also hacking into and screwing up the entire backend system of rival companies so that their dissatisfied clients come to us for business. Thanks to this resourceful and enterprising young man, we are nearly ready to take over the entire IT world.
Dheeraj Thakkar is an asset to any company, indeed to any country. Please don’t go by the photograph attached to this letter. He may look like a school kid, but he is legally an adult and is capable of doing everything an adult does. The ladies in my firm will endorse this. I have even heard rumours that the “Prince Dheeraj Fan Club” of which nearly every female of my firm (and quite a few males too for that matter) is a member, is planning to abduct Dheeraj as they cannot bear the thought of him leaving. Already a growing number of members of this club are performing various shows of their devotion to him like slashing their wrists, tattooing messages on unspeakable parts of their bodies, and so on. But he has promised to personally extract a promise from each of them that they will cause no trouble, so you need not worry about getting into any sticky situation once he is part of your esteemed University.
Dheeraj Thakkar is genuinely hardworking, intelligent, resourceful and bisexual. I was heart-broken when he let me know of his intention to join your University. But I do not wish to be selfish and keep him hidden in the dark recesses of my company. The world has a right to have a share of this bright and talented young man’s ass. May I especially recommend his skills in dot net and his ability to drink a peg each of tequila, whiskey, rum, vodka and sambuca in succession, and stand on one leg for a full minute afterwards.
Dheeraj Thakkar has no drawbacks or weaknesses I can think of. People may call him arrogant but I call it being assertive. His enemies may say that he is amazingly selfish and an opportunist, but I believe that they are just jealous of his success. In truth he has a magnetic personality and if people are happy to be crushed under his heel, why hold him responsible? He drinks milk thrice a day. Now what better proof of his blameless soul?
In conclusion, Dheeraj Thakkar is highly recommended for admission to your University. I promise that you will be at an advantage. If not as a bright student, then at least as a freak attraction in the campus.
Sincerely,
Bill Gates,
Microsoft Corporation
Wonder why he wasn't so happy with the letter... I had made sure there were no spelling or grammar errors. I even told him that the name and organization are very obviously fictitious and he should substitute them with the real thing. But that was apparently not what upset him. Wonder what else it was then.
